Why the Warriors?
by turquoiseturtle34
Summary: What if warriors lived today? No, I don't mean 1994 kids. I mean with all this tik tok, pumpkin spice lattes, ballin like curry with them mc flurrys mess we've gotten into. No wonder Donald Trump's slogan was make a America great again...
1. Chapter 1: Vsco girls

Vsco girls

Firestar looked in the mirror

FS: "Oh heck na!" he said as he was throwing away his used to be favorite shirt "Tigerstar deserves this!"

Sandstorm rolled her irrated eyes

SS: "You've been giving Tigerstar gucci for the past 15 minutes!" She dropped the clothes she was carying. "You can do your own clothes, get a slave, get Spottedleaf to do it

Spottedleaf comes down from Starclan

SP: Oh gosh no, he doesn't put on deodarant! Plus I'm going to the mall with Bluestar today. Sandstorm, you can come with us if you like?

SS: Oh yes!

SP: Well then come on!

SS: I have to get ready!

SP: I'll give you something because we got to go. The shoes are 40% off...

SS: *snatches Firestar's wallet* no way!

SP: yes way! They have...

They walked up invisible steps to the ceiling and opened the heavenly door

FS: Oooh, can I come?

SS/SP: NOOOOOOOOO!

And with that they closed the door

Firestar stands in silence for a moment.

FS: I'm hungry

He looks in his fridge and sees his most "fav shirt of all time".

FS: oh yes *runs to his room*

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Firestar appeared with an aqau supreme sweatshirt, turquoise checkered vans, and blue jeans. Cloudtail was on his phone

CT: TACO BELL IS HERE! OH MA GOSH! ITS TACOBELL! ITS REALLY TACOBELL! *he faints*

All the clan: yay!

Everyone starts eating. Firestar was bored. Sandstorm wasn't here. He decided to take a walk. He looked up in a tree and saw something mysterious. A piece of fluffy cloth, it was blue, and very comfy on his arm. On the ground below he also say something.

FS: A, aaa, aa...hy..hydru...hydroflask?

Suddenly out of nowhere Hollyleaf and Dovewing show up

HL: hey that's Dovewing's scrunchie!

DW: hey that's my scruchie

FS: What the heck is a scrunchie

HL, DW: what's on your wrist!

FS: I WANT IT! IT'S MINE! YOUR NEVER GONNA GET IT! NEVER! *Starts crying in a fetal position*

Hollyleaf and Dovewing smirk

HL, DW: If you want it, you have to become a vsco girl tehe

FS: Do you expect me to become gay or something?

DW: Well, if you want my scrunchie you must say the pledge

FS: okay, fine...but... can I be a vsco boy?

Vsco Girl Pledge:

You got some scrunchies on your wrist  
Hydroflask on check (check, check)  
Put your hair up in a bun  
And some shells around your neck (VSCO girl)

'Cause baby you're a VSCO girl  
Yeah, you already know it (check, check)  
'Cause baby you're a VSCO girl  
Yeah, go ahead and show it (show it off, show it off, like)

Honey, I'm going fast  
Shake it, go and throw it back  
You're a VSCO girl so you deserve the very best  
Chapstick with the bees and some bands on your head

Yo pass me that

VSCO girl, yeah you already know (yeah, you already know it)

You got some scrunchies on your wrist  
Hydroflask on check (check, check)  
Put your hair up in a bun  
And some shells around your neck (VSCO girl)

'Cause baby you're a VSCO girl  
Yeah, you already know it (check, check)  
'Cause baby you're a VSCO girl  
Yeah, go ahead and show it (show it off, show it off, like)

watch?v=tw946aE-coE

HL: And, this song must be on your airpod playlist.

DW, HL: YOU MUST FOLLOW THE RULES OF THE VSCO GIRLS

FS: vsco BOY!

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Firestar went to his den and went to work. He put stickers on the back of his laptop, on his new hydroflask, ordered some scrunchies on Amazon, put on a shell necklace, and got some "Save the Turtles!" posters from Walmart.

FS: all set

Suddenly Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw walk in

SQ: Oh my gosh dad! What have you done!

FS: I am a vsco girl now

BC: you mean those turtle obsessed protesters? What the heck is a turtle anyway

FS: I don't know, ask Riverclan

SQ: oh well, this big red from Tacobell is really good...

Firestar knocks her drink out of her hand

FS: OH MY GOSH! PLASTIC STRAWS ARE DANGEROUS THEY KILL DA TURTLES! NO STRAWS! NO FRICKEN STRAWS ALLOWED!

Firestar starts going mad

BC: so girls are like this?

SQ: nah, I just think he's on crack

They slowly walk out. Hollyleaf and Dovewing were looking through the window

HL: just wait till the gathering, oh my gosh, it's gonna be hilarious

DW: lol right!

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At the gathering, the clans were surprised that Firestar was a vsco girl. Riverclan was mad that they had a rival vsco in another clan. They were scared he was gonna be a better vsco than they were so they started to fight. They ended up deciding on having a family feud on being a vsco. Once Firestar was defeating the whole of Riverclan, it was up to leopardstar to save them.

"What chapstick is allowed?"

FS, LS: Burt's bees

"What watter bottle is allowed?"

FS, LS: hydroflask

It went on and on

"Now, what is the heavenly phrase only to be used by a true vsco?"

Leapordstar was confused, she hadn't been trained this far in the vsco handbook. Firestar went up to the podium and said the most holy words a vsco can say

FS: and I oop, and I oop, a skskssksksksksksksksksk

The clans: *gasp*

The whole ground shook. The leafs were flying. Thunder was roaring. A starclan cat came down and said

"this is a true vsco, in whom I am well pleased"

Firestar's figure became golden like the sun. Apollo was very unpleased.

A: Oh my gosh, this cat is shining as bright as I am and doesn't even know the song Sunflower? *Slurps his peppermint mocha* How dare this turd try to outdue me!

FS: Um sir, your wrong, I do know the song Sunflower by Post Malone. And-

Unfortunately he saw Apollo, drinking his mocha, with a plastic straw

FS: OH MY GOSH! SCRUNCHIES ASSEMBLE!

Suddenly he started glowing, brighter than the sun, brighter than 1,000,000 suns (luckily Shadow clan brought sun glasses and popcorn ( Littlecloud got a prophecy ) and they graciously sold their merch (2 dollars for popcorn, 2 dollars for sunglasses = 4 dollar package ). Shadowclan, for once was able to pay their Starclan rent.

Now, back on task. Firestar was glowing brighter than Apollo ever could. Apollo for once got scared. Suddenly in Firestar's hand was a holy object, that no one other than the truest of vsco could touch. A SCRUNCHIE GUN. He put the setting on rapid fire and the thing was off like fire. Scrunchies drowned the place. Apollo shut his mouth for a reason for once.

FS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWSSSSSS!

Suddenly, the gun was out.

FS: Darn these budget cuts! Everyone take two scrunchies home, the rest go to Goodwill or the loners!

Everyone gradually cleaned up and the forest was once a forest again.

HL: *sniff* he did it

DW: *tear* no, he did it

HL, DW: we raised him well

From them on, no straws, NO STRAWS, ever were in the sight, in the mouths, or in the hands of the warrior cats.

A SSKSKSKSKSKSKKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKKS

Suddenly Sandstorm and Spottedleaf came down from Starclan

SS: Firestar! I want a scrunchie!

SP: Me too!

FS: I'll have it custom made for your guys

SS, SP: 0w0, oh, could you carry these!?

And after Firestar's great vsco victory, he had to carry 500 pounds worth of shoes and lipstick.


	2. Chapter 2: Dat Fornite Thang

Lionblaze was browsing the appstore on his phone. He was scrolling until he found the most addicting thing on earth (other than tik tok). FORTNITE!

LB: oh my gosh, let me try this

He pushed the download button

LB: *muttering* Firestar needs to pay the wifi bill

Finally FORTNITE loaded.

LB: *thinking* wow, this looks nice.

He played his first game, was the first one dead...sniped.

LB: Darn! I need a tutorial!

And then it all started...

Jayfeather walks in on his brother talking into a gamer headset and pressing his keyboard keys like crazy.

LB:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JF: what

LB: I would've got a victory royal only the guy had a mythic rpg

*starts cussing and whining*

JF: ?

LB: its called FORTNITE

JF: okay

Jayfeather pulls out his phone and plays fortnite

LB: hey! how can you play fortnite if your blind?!

JF: I can smell their online scents

LB: ?

JF: your about to get snipe-

LB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

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Soon, the whole clan was playing fortnite...even Ivypool was obsessed.

CT: Yaaa! my first victory royal!

BC: Shut up Cloudtail! I'm trying to consentrate

Firestar then went up to the highrock and said

FS: IF YOU CAN USE UBER EATS TO FEED THE CLAN COME UP TO THIS BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, GORGEOUS-

SS: Are you saying that rock is prettier than me Firestar?

FS: Nooooooooooo, of course not

SS: Good

FS: 0-0

For the next 10 minutes Firestar played with his scrunchie and drank Fiji water out of his hyrdoflask

SS: You know their not coming

FS: *knawing on his scrunchie* yeah

SS: Ugh just cancel the wifi bill

FS: NOOOOOOO! THAT MEANS I CAN"T WATCH KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS! I NEED KIMYE (kim and kanye ship), KIMYE!

SS: *sigh*

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In Windclan Breezepelt was stalking through the camp, looking for Crowfeather's wallet. He needed a new skin...another skin...8 more skins... He finally found it: dark blue with the gold lining. He opened his wallet and a piece of paper fell out. Surprisingly not suprising he found a picture of Leafpool

BP: my dad is such a weirdo

As he was walking out he stepped on a twig and immediately hid in a corner.

CF: Breezy?

silence

CF: Breezy?

silence

CF: I know your here

*starts playing detective, mystery, hype music*

CF: dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun...

Crowfeather decided to try some KITTYKARATE moves.

CF: KA CHOOOOWW! OOOOOWWWWW!

That didn't go well, after 15 minutes he still couldn't find Breezepelt. Finally, Crowfeather did the smartest thing ever

CF: you don't have to be lonely...

Breezepelt couldn't resist

BP: *in an opera like voice* AT FARMERS ONLY DOT COM!

CF: got ya

BP: [insert swear word]

CF: you know you can just ask me if you need more skins...

BP: honestly though dad, your not even a farmer, Eharmony sounds a lot better. They match you up quicker...that means we can get rid of mom quicker! She sucks

CF: lollipops

BP: 0_0

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In Shadowclan Blackstar was trying to hack the wifi. He was gonna prank everyone by hacking fortnite. He went to the dark web and started searching.

BS: Okay, theres glitch...lag...loading screen lol that ones fun...um...

For 3 hours he searched for the perfect one...actually it was a minute because he took a day brake eating donuts. He finally went with loading screen.

BS: okay, so i just put in the wifi name, wifi password, select all phones, and TADAA!

BS:NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BS: [insert some swear words here]

as he looked at his screen, it read the following: NO U

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Riverclan took it way to seriously. Everyone was on the lake in rubber duckie floaties getting tans and playing fornite. Luckly they were waterproof because that wouldn't have ended well. Leapordstar and Mistyfoot were talking

LS: look at our clan, thriving, playing fortnite, playing in the lake...this is the life

MF: does my tan look good?

LS: how can you even get a tan?

MF: 0_0

Suddenly in the distance some cats started fighting...lets just say it didn't end well. 7 floaties deflated, 30 tans ruined, 75 burger king crowns ruined, 24 computers, 5 ipads, and 87 phones at the bottom of the lake. You can still here the phones beeping today...

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One day the clans decided to host a warrior cat private fornite game to see who was the best.

top words people said when they died:

NOOOOOOOO

[insert swear word]

[insert swear WORDS]

Finally it was the top 3: Daisy from Thunderclan, Rowanclaw from Shadowclan, and Onestar from Windclan

Here's how it ended: Rowanclaw killed Onestar with an uncommon rpg and Daisy sniped rowanclaw from a building

WHAT A SECOND! DAISY WON!

Everyone was surprised

LB: but...but...you never played fortnite

D: yea i did, i just wasn't a freak about it

LB: how did you know how to play it

D: bruh...i was a kittypet! I watched them play it

JF: but you lived in a barn...

D: NO QUESTIONS, I AIN"T GOT NO TIME FOR THIS S-

Me: PG PLEASEEEEEE!

D: stuff

Suddenly her bright pink shirt disappeared. Her rainbow checkered vans, red lipstick...everything disappeared. SHe put on a black shirt, black boot high heels, black lipstick, a black beenie, and a chic black jacket.

D: Now, i gtg and get my nails done

She took out a cigar and made a smoke circle

D: And that B-

Me: PG PLEEEAAAASSEEEEE!

D: boys...and girls is how its done

A limousine then showed up. You could hear truth hurts coming from the car a while away (and voice cracking girls as they try to sound like taylor swift). She stepped inside and was drove away.

FS: Well, know i know she ain't Christian

BH: I can't believe you actually liked that girl Cloudtail!

CT: Yeah Brightheart! Totally...

Suddenly Blackstar became a rage monster

BS: YOU CHEATED!

Everyone: how?

BS: THUNDERCLAN HOSTED THE GAME! AND THEY HACKED IT SO THAT DAISY COULD WIN!

Thunderclan: What the f-

Me; PGGGGGGGGG PPPPLLLLEEEEeAAAAAASSEEEEE. Or I will call your dead moms from starclan to whip your behinds. I give you the right to speak, and I have to right to get you whooped. UNDERSTAND?

Everyone: yes turquoiseturtle

Me; I sit down quietly

Silence

Blackstar: AaAARRRRGGGGGG!

Blackstar charged at Firestar and scratched his scrunchie

FS: YOU WANNA GO SIS? YA WANNA GO? HUH? NO ONE SCRATCHES, TEARS, TOUCHES...HARMS MY SCRUNCHIE!

SS: *muttering* wish he would say that to me

Firestar and Blackstar started fighting: Blackstar trying to claw his face while Firestar kept hitting him with his hydroflask. I sat their eating popcorn as well as everyone else, but finally I was bored. I got on my phone and called his mom...tehe...

Suddenly someone came down from the sky.

BS: 0o0

He saw his mom for the first time in years

BS: mo...mo...mo...mommy?

Mommy: Don't you mommy me! I thought I taught you manners! Your such a sore looser! Even I could win a game! I've sniped you everytime you played lol you should've seen your face

BS: Your such a [insert swear word] you mother f-

Me: THAT"S IT WHO HAS A STICK

JF: hahaha I don't

Me: I teleported to the lake where he always hid his stick, teleported back to Blackstar and whipped his but.

BS: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWWWOOOOOO!

Everyone was laughing and taking videos and posting them on youtube. His mom stood there and took pictures. Suddenly God almighty came down and deleted fortnite from the warrior cat appstore. No one noticed because they were to distracted watching Blackstar being whipped by a twoleg pre teen. Finally everyone left to go home. Blackstar couldn't walk because his butt was so messed up, his behind bruised so bad it was black and that called him Blackbutt after that. And Fortnite was forgotten.

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Daisy was at the nail salon with her og's when suddenly someone walked through the door. TIGERSTAR! *love sax playing*

D: Oh, hey there

TG: hey...precious

D: come here...

TG: *looks at Daisy's new shirt with Lizzo on it* ew...I can't be with a lizzo gurl

D: I love bad [swear words]

TG: sometimes truth doesn't hurt

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Me: So...Blackstar sorry for hitting your but with jayfeather's holy stick

BS: why are you saying this

Me: because my mommy said so

JF: what about me?

Me: Oh, sorry for hitting Blackstar's unholy but with your holy stick causing the pressure to be to much for the holy and breaking

JF: WAIT IT BROKE!

Jayfeather pulled out a knife

Me: well, he snapped. GTG!


	3. Chapter 3: the Roxanne Impurity Problem

Warning!: MILD LANGUAGE USED!

Squirrelflight was browsing her dad's playlist because she needed something other than Billie Eilish to comfort her at the moment.

SQ: Taylor Swift...nah...Sabrina Carpenter...nah...Miley Cirus...nah...Shawn Mendes?...nah...ed sheeran...uh...no...

finally after hours of eating popcorn and straining her eyes she finally found it

SQ: ROXANNE!

Squirrelflight pushes ROXANNE

SQ: Oh ma gosh! This song...i love it...

Walks to her dad's den/house singing ROXANNE

SQ: *humming* ROXANNE, ROXANNE, all she wanna do is party all night...

Squirrelflight walked in to his dad's den. he wasn't in the bed, wasn't on the couch, wasn't in the attic, wasn't under the kitchen cabinets...she didn't know where he was. She walks around and then hears music playing and horrible vocals. Firestar was in the shower singing Roxanne and Sandstorm was trying to do her makeup but couldn't help singing a long.

FS/SS: All for the gram

B*****love the gram  
Oh wait s***  
Brr brr  
Brr brr brr  
Skrrt skrrt

Roxanne  
Roxanne  
All she wanna do is party all night  
Goddamn, Roxanne  
Never gonna love me but it's alright  
She think I'm a a*******  
She think I'm a player  
She keep running back though  
Only 'cause I pay up  
Roxanne  
Roxanne  
All she wanna do is party all night

Met her at a party in the Hills, yeah  
She just wanna do it for the thrill, yeah  
Shorty drive a poodle with no top  
But if I throw this money she gon' drop  
She don't wait in lines if it's too long  
She don't drive the whip unless the roof off  
Only want to call when the cash out  
Only take the pic when her [insert swear word] out

She from  
Malibu, Malibu  
If you ain't gotta foreign then she laugh at you  
Malibu, Malibu  
Spending daddy's money with an attitude

Roxanne  
Roxanne  
All she wanna do is party all night  
Goddamn-

They didn't realize Squirrelflight was taking a video and listening to them saying cuss words

FS: Oh ma gosh, she's taking a video and im not wearing my scrunchie

SS: Oh ma gosh, MY MAKEUP!

FS/SS: OH MA GOSH WE ARE CUSSING IN FRONT OF OUR DAUGHTER

SQ: Not just me...the whole of the 4 clans and the fandom has got to see this!

The floor was pretty slippery because Firestar was taking a shower and he always opened the door a bit so he wouldn't feel so insecure. Firestar slipped and fell on Sandstorm which fell on her makeup. Her makeup became slimey, Firestar's scrunchie got wet and they ended up in a position that made it look like...

SS: What the F*** Firestar! Such a-

FS: You can't call me a B****, B****. I already made you your breakfast

SS: Thanks

As they fixed themselves up, Squirrelflight had to show Leafpool. She wasn't gonna post it on the warriors chat group, she was too nice for that...

SQ: Hey Leafpool guess wha-

Leafpool was singing in black gucci clothes and Jayfeather was dancing with his stick...and as you can guess...they were singing...

LP/JF:

Roxanne  
Roxanne  
All she wanna do is party all night  
Goddamn, Roxanne  
Never gonna love me but it's alright  
She think I'm a a*******  
She think I'm a player  
She keep running back though  
Only 'cause I pay up  
Roxanne  
Roxanne  
All she wanna do is party all nigh-

They suddenly stopped short when they saw Squirrelflight staring at them

SQ: Why are you stopping?

SQ/LP/JF:

B*****love the gram  
Oh wait s***  
Brr brr  
Brr brr brr  
Skrrt skrrt

Roxanne  
Roxanne  
All she wanna do is party all night  
Goddamn, Roxanne  
Never gonna love me but it's alright  
She think I'm a a*******

She think I'm a player

She keep running back though

Only 'cause I pay up  
Roxanne  
Roxanne  
All she wanna do is party all night

Met her at a party in the Hills, yeah  
She just wanna do it for the thrill, yeah

Soon the whole clan was singing Roxanne lol

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Jayfeather went up to the Highrock where all the beer cans, catmint, and wine glasses...were stored.

JF: I have an anouncement to make!

No one pays attention

JF: B***** LISTEN TO ME!  
Everyone looks up

SS: Where's turquoiseturtle when we need it?!

Me: Oh, I'm here. It's just my billie eilish and chill day...

JF: As everyone knows, I love my stick...and I have decided to name her ROXANNE!

Everyone:

Roxanne

All she wanna do is party all night...

FS: SHUT YOUR F******* MOUTHS UP! I HAVE AN ANOUNCEMENT!

silence

FS: first of all, I have decided to name my holy scrunchie ROXANNE.

Everyone: ROX-

FS: SHUT UP! YOUR MOTHERS BY YOU MEGABLOCKS INSTEAD OF LEGOS! D******

silence

FS: I have come here in the presence of Starclan and the God Almighty. I hope they approve of this humble decision I have made. THIS CLAN SHALL NOW BE CALLED ROXANNE CLA-

Everyone: Roxanne

All she wanna do is party...

And this happened in every clan...

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Starclan...BLUESTAR...was very upset

BS: I leave Firestar there, to take care of my precious clan and look what he did! The freaking kittypet has made the 4 clans infected with twoleg nonsense!

YF: Blame Arizona, he made the f****** song

BS: 0-0

BS: Why do I even care that you cuss...it's in your blood

YF: ya got that right B****star

BS: *rolls her eyes* the clans have never been so

YF: YOUR CLAN

BS: *rolls her eyes again* MY CLAN has never been so impure and filled with twoleg nonsense than ever before. This cussing and twerking and-

YF: you can't say that, everynight you go to the edge of the Starclan forest and make out with Oakheart

BS: 0o0

YF: :P

BS: STAR CLAN MEETING STARTING IN 2.5 MINUTES

YF: D****** Law and Order was about to start

1 hour later

BS: Okay yall shut your snouts the meeting has started and today joining us is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to talk about THE ROXANNE IMPURITY EPIDEMIC!

Everyone: KUMBAYA MA LORD KUMBAYA MA LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST AMEN

God: SHUT UP WE"RE NOT CATHOLICS HERE

Everyone: sorry Jesus Lord our Christ and Savior *puts pretzels at his feet*

God: thank you, your offerings please me

BS: Okay, back on track, we need you to help us stop this ROXANNE IMPURITY EPIDEMIC, it has taken over the 4 clans and we are not the Christian cats we were before

YF: we can use the wrath of God?

TG: we could kill the twolegs

God: I'll send you to twoleg hell if you don't shut up

TG: Its all Firestar's fault! The kittypet brought the twoleg ways to the 4 clans and here we are today. And he's bringing in more kittypets to his clan to strengthen his grip! You only invited him to your clan because he was HOT!

BS: grrrrrrr

OH: grrrrrrr

TG: He's brought politics, vsco girls...

BS: SHUT UP NO ONE WANTS TO START TALKING ABOUT GAY PEOPLE AGAIN! SEND HIM TO TWOLEG HELL PLEASE!

Jesus: PLEASSSEEE! I WANNA SEE IT DADDA!

God: ZAP

Tigerstar disappears

Jesus: Is he in hell daddy?

God: yep

Jesus: cool!

BS: we can just send them all to hell!

God: that won't work, most of them are Christians

YF: But they act like B*****

God: But their still Christians

YF: D******

Tigerstar appears

TG: hi guys

Jesus: I thought you said he was in hell!

BS: I thought you said he was in hell!

Everyone: WE THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS IN HELL

God: S****

TG: I'm Christian, I believe that he is the one in only Lord and if your Christian you can't go to hell, IN YOUR F****** FACES

God: we gotta send him somewhere

BS: um...I don't know...he's useless

TG: IM VERY OFFENDED

YF: GET OVER IT

God: OOOHHHH! I know just what to do with the clans now!

Magically I appear

Turquoiseturtle: what the heck I was listening to everything I wanted by Billie Eilish and I was feeling it...I was feeling it...*starts crying black tears*

I look up

Turquoiseturtle: Holy Snickerdoodles it's my Lord and Savior! *takes out sunglasses* wooow

God: I have a plan...and your part of it...

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At the next gathering...it basically became a club. ShadowClan brought the budlight, wine, and catmint. Windclan brought the disco ball, Riverclan brought the money, and Thunderclan brought the DJ equipment. Things were going great until the drunkees got out of control. They used trees as poles and it all became a mash up. The apprentices were scarred for life RIP. And worst of all, the impurity. God was watching from heaven and was crying inside.

Jesus: dadda, stop cwying!

God: well...at least you got the swimming pool you've asked for *sniff*

He watched the pole dancers, the DJ's, the drunkees, the strip club...

God: I thought I raised *sniff* my children well *sniff*

TG: well, ya thought wrong

Jesus: *slaps Tigerstar* We gotta send him somewhere daddy!

God: He can live with turquoiseturtle?

Me: HECK NA! Well, it would be good discipline...

TG: OH S**** please don't send me to turquoiseturtle's house. remember what she did to Blackstar!

God: that's why im sending you to her house

TG: D*****

God: Back on track, turquoiseturtle. The plan is going to be activated in 3 2 1

I was gone

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I arrive down at the gathering/cat club. As I watch the disgusting stuff around me, I decide to unleash my first weapon. DOCTOR OZ

DO: What the heck are these cats doing!

Everyone shuts up and looks at this weird twoleg

DO: You can get diseases from doing the things your doing

Everyone gasps

LS: Oh well, I wanna be dirty

DO: well die in a hole

LS: Noooooo Tigerstar looks so hot an-

D: F*** off Spotty! Tigger's mine!

TG: *smooch and kiss*

DO: White cat making out with dark brown kitty with a jacked up face stop it or I will place you in a room alone with *pulls out a cucumber* THIS!

Daisy and Tigerstar run away to go make out somewhere else

DO: IF you want to make out here you must get tested!

Everyone gets in line to get tested

Results: No one had fricken HIV because (duh) their cats!

SQ: Tigerstar's gonna give Diasy herpes

BC: Why u insult my daddy like that?

SQ: I'm not

BC: he's gonna give her much more...

Me: I need something better *step in a muddie puddle*

Me: Now Karma's going peppa on me! *looks at phone* Oh...s*** the family reunions today *the sky starts glowing* and its starting now

Percy and Annabeth run to me

Annabeth: You look so grown up

Percy: your shoes are untied

Annabeth: *slaps me* WHY U NO SEND ME LETTERS I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!

Percy: gosh dang Annabeth the girl don't have her shoes tied

Annabeth: we need to get you off of redbull right now

Me: weres my turtle BLOOOP (my call)

My turtle appears

Me: hi, hows it goin out there?

turtle: to much fricken plastic

Me: I expected that

Athena: aaawww look at those kitties

Zues: wtf are they doing

Me: nothing you need to know...wait...that's it...follow me...I need yall to help me to do something...here's the plan...

the cats were all partying crazy, drinking too much red bull and getting drunk. Suddenly out of no where the sky starts glowing and I appear

Me: STOP YOUR IMPURITY OR MEET YOUR DOOM!

SS: is that turquoise turtle?

Me: yes it is...but back on point...STOP HAVING...STUFF AND DOING ALL THIS IMPURITIES RIGHT NOW! YOUR ACTING LIKE TWOLEGS

BS: so twolegs like you do this too

Me: THATS NOT THE POINT...IF YOU DON"T PUT EVERYTHING AWAY IN 5 SECONDS YOU WILL DIE

everyone else: well just go to starclan and do this too.

Me: *triggered* THATS IT

I make myself glow, the greek gods appear, Apollo almost makes them blind

Me: APOLLO STOP IT

Apollo: But I want to be a DISCO BALL

Me: NOW WILL YOU SURRENDER

everyone else: these could be puppets for all we care

the greek gods wreak havoc. thunder roars..the sky turns red...Apollo starts to shine brighter than the sun

the cats: MAKE IT STOP O GOD MAKE IT STOP

God: only if you put everything away

the cats burn everything

God: turquoise turtle make them stop

Me: YALL STOP IT WORKED

God: *deletes Roxanne and all impurities...puts Christian and good songs on the Warriors youtube...and brainwashes everybody

the next day

Daisy comes back from Leafpool's den

D: IM PREGNANT!

All the other female cats: WERE ALL PREGNANT!

the males: *muttering* they better be mine

CT: finally, someone other than ferncloud is populating this clan

GS: were gonna need a bigger queen's den

THE END

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

me in heaven talking to God

Me: S***, should've asked you to cancel the pregnancies to.

GOD: 0-0

Me: oh...

GOD: *sends me back to Camp Halfblood*

Everyone at camp: where were you?

Me: I found out God's against abortion


End file.
